june 2022

6/1 – 6/7

passed eleven “do you follow jesus this close?” bumper stickers. stranger asked different stranger if rest stop seats taken: savin’ ’em for ya.

let go. regretted. accepted.

ten hour depression sleep interrupted by mikhaila. you can cry outside too. we inquired about restaurant wait times, two and a half hours. bistro seated us immediately. shared cuban sandwiches, arnold palmers in compostable cups, pizza with the perfect char. agreed this is american culture concentrate.

k: we’re all characters in god’s personal metaverse wattpad fanfic.
m: none of those words are in the bible.
k: have you even read the bible?
m: i went to sunday school like once.

started the new job. failed to understand twin flame soul contracts made between glossy glamorous women and line cook goblin boyfriends.

received biannual updates.

watched elaine commit cardinal sins.

learned johnny cash’s ring of fire nearly a preparation h jingle.

read..

(1) the culture and history of dueling

the angry brawl was drained of passion, made mindful and even elegant. a doctor was always on hand, but deaths were common. then, in the second half of the 19th century, the practice declined and disappeared. it’s ‘the sheer incomprehensibility’

posterity can only watch in amazement

(2) mistaken deification, accidental divinity

the word ‘mahatma’ stinks in my nostrils

a binary division between humanity and divinity was itself a peculiarly christian dogma

for emperors, it became a routine accolade – “oh dear, i think i’m becoming a god,” vespasian is said to have joked on his deathbed in 79 ce

(3) the fourth filmed macbeth

welles and polanski opted for soliloquies to be spoken in voice-over

(4) logical accounting ledger

“a point is that which has no part,” says euclid

a jarring scholastic experience sandwiched between two years of algebra. until that moment mathematics had been about finding the answer to a question: for example, “sally rows downstream for 20 miles with a current of 2 miles per hour and the trip upstream takes 5 hours. how fast does sally row?” in geometry, however, you’re told the answer – “if in a triangle two angles equal each other, then the sides opposite the equal angles also equal each other” – then asked to find a reason, and explain it.

(5) regolith, astrobionics, plants do perceive the lunar soil environment as stressful

(6) supply chains: uncertain consequences of removing major elements of a system whose deep workings and sources of stability remain unmapped

for decades, policymakers have assumed that production and financial markets can largely look after themselves, with some oversight by regulators. these assumptions are poorly suited to a world in which hostile governments can weaponize the weak points in the global economy against their adversaries

before the covid-19 pandemic, few people noticed or cared that a single german manufacturer produces roughly 75% of the machines for processing the fabrics that high-quality medical masks require

6/8 – 6/14

realigned with jordan.

j: you gotta keep your head down, your spirits up, and your hips straight.
k: that’s good. is it yours?
j: is it mine?
k: no no no no –

felt this scene in my soul. wondered how to live. the perpetual question. find most nutritious soil of life in graveyard of routines.

broke second breakfast with fellow(ship) orientees.

began cartography lectures. best line: you need to tell somebody how to navigate the world and you can’t take them there yourself. reviewed three main points of the cartographic method.

1) reduction: the world is a very large thing. your map isn’t.
2) transformation: the world is (basically) a sphere. your map isn’t.
3) generalization: the world is very complicated. your map isn’t.

realized, among more important things, that ethiopia looks like a triceratops’ side profile. also how disorienting flipping north and south can be.

finished the rubaiyat of omar khayyam, a drunkard’s plea, translated by edward fitzgerald and popularized in the united states not long before prohibition. tamam.

watched it’s bad for ya.

have you pictured what this planet is going to be like in forty to fifty years? it’s going to be a big smoking ball of shit, a big, smoking, flaming, stinking ball of gaseous shit. that’s what’s going to happen. that’s what’s going to happen. it’s irresponsible to have more than one child. have one. have one child, replacement value for yourself, that’s all. don’t even replace your husband. don’t replace your husband.

6/15 – 6/21

read chiamamanda ngozi adichie’s notes on grief (2021).

is this what shock means, that the air just turns to glue?

i back away from condolences. people are kind, people mean well, but knowing this does not make their words rankle less. “demise.” a favorite of nigerians, it conjures for me dark distortions. “on the demise of your father.”

my father often looked stiff in photos because he grew up knowing photography as a rare and formal event at which you dressed up and sat, uncomfortable, before a man with a tripod. “daddy, relax. daddy, smile.”

the layers of loss make life feel papery thin

watched hustle (2022). new favorite song.

you don’t get it. the kid is like if scottie pippen and a wolf had a baby.
so what are you saying? he has a hairy face?

hard work, baby. i knew right when i saw you, that’s a hardworking fool.

your mom’s not a whore by the way.
thank you.
yeah. whores get paid, your mom gives that fat ass out for free.